deciding how to cheer for a team in the world cup is always tricky - countries where the dictator gets to choose the team (like Zaire) are always good. Handily the World Development Movement have now cobbled together a website that shows you how to choose your world cup team (unless you're jumping on the England bandwagon) - this is particularly helpful if you're scottish.

www.whoshouldicheerfor.com


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It seems that Hello Kitty is everywhere - Hello Kitty USB keyrings, Hello Kitty Mobile Phones, Hello Kitty Guitars, Hello Kitty Fire Extinguishers, Hello Kitty toasters (actually that one looks quite fun) , Hello Kitty airlines (would you put your life in the hands of a mute white cat?), and much more besides.
What is Hello Kitty's purpose in life? does Hello Kitty ever say anything other than Hello? is Hello Kitty actually just called Kitty, and are we saying Hello to her? I think there's something dark and sinister about Hello Kitty - I imagine that the fire extinguisher is actually filled with petrol, the toaster uses radiation to burn the image of hello kitty into the toast, the mobile phone microwaves the user's brain, the USB keyring has a nasty virus and the guitar only plays tunes by Slade.
Ban this filth now!
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"woooooo tony can you hear me... woooo thou shalt invade lots of countries ... wooooo... then you can blame it on me when it all goes wobbly"

Given that world leaders love ignoring their electorate (well done Tony, you've taken a leaf out of the benign dictator book!) and listening to god instead, its time god started to be a bit more of a benign dictator, or the benign dictator became a bit more godly.

I'm sure Tom Baker sounds a bit like god - if I were to pipe this blog into number 10 / the white house via the BT talking text service i'm sure I could really make the world much better.

Although i'm getting confused now, as this is a list of things i'd do when i'm benign dictator, rather than an action plan on how to become benign dictator.
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What is it about this talentless freak that attracts so much attention from the media? every week we have a new Pete Doherty headline: Pete Doherty goes out with Kate Moss, Pete Doherty gets dumped by Kate Moss, Pete Doherty does some drugs, Pete Doherty goes into rehab, Pete Doherty doesn't bother to turn up at a gig, Pete Doherty gets arrested, Pete Doherty writes a new song about being shit, Pete Doherty has a documentary made about him by a stalker, Pete Doherty beats up the stalker, Pete Doherty steals a car. Enough! - then we have to site through boring newsnight interviews conducted by women of a certain age which seem to be suggesting that he's a modern day Hendrix or Jagger, oh the tragedy of modern drug-taking-middle-class youth!
Has anyone actually listened to the piffle his 'band' makes? its utter crap. Someone really needs to tip a pint over him.
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What is it with e-fit pictures of people? i'm now on the lookout for a bloke with a beard that looks like it was drawn with a biro, and another bloke will wool for hair.
Are the police using a computer from 1983 or something? have they not discovered photoshop? or a computer that does colours at least? realistic hair? more than 4 shades of grey?
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along with drinking and laughing - except for pubs that serve food, on the second sunday of every month and saints days (except for in Northern Ireland and the channel islands where the opposite is true).
Exceptions to this rule include: private member's pubs, pubs with the letter I, N, R and Q in their name, and pubs that face north, except for in York where pubs will have to be painted white to allow the rule to remain uninforced.
A special branch of the police called the Conversation Squad would be set up to deal with potential abuses. I love clear, joined up government policy.
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Whether it was Jon Pertwee asking everyone to SPLINK, that cat telling kids to stay away from peedos with sweets and puppies, or the one with the well spoken lady on the horsey nearly getting run over by the bloke in the white MG, 1970's public information films had a dark, menacing quality that their modern counterparts just lack.

The scariest were usually something to do with electricity - I remember the one with the kiddies ball that went inside the electricity sub-station - the unsuspecting child goes to get it and is subsequently vapourised by the high voltage electricity. I still have issues with sub stations now, and have to cross the street to avoid them. My sister still has nightmares about the one with the little girl in who flies her kite too close to the high voltage wires, and who had the same orange top as her.

Kids these days just aren't scared enough by the dangers of the modern world, and it didn't do me much long term psychological damage.
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